kylesor blogging at elowel.org
... 10-12-08 22:09

You mean everything to me. You are so much, a beautiful self, outside, but mostly right there on the left side of your chest. I love pushing my hand up against your heart and feeling it beat in time with yours. You are perfect, although nothing like what I pictured my perfection would be like.
The whole purpose of this letter is going to be just to make you understand what goes through my head, what goes through my heart, and why I make the decisions that I do.
Simply as I can put it is to say I love you.
I have learned, though the course of out bumpy relationship that that means a lot. More than I ever knew, and require more things than I ever thought I could contain. I just had to learn and grow, and I am nowhere near done. I just have learned that sometimes you have to act more mature than you really are in order to grow, and to hurt is to learn.
One concept that I have started to grasp, but have certainly not mastered, is the concept of selflessness. I�m still trying to mature, to grow up, and to learn what exactly love means. But sometimes, something is so obvious, even though it is so far out of my maturity level, that I just have to grit my teeth, not think of myself, and do it.
I implore you to do the same. To stop. To not think once of yourself, but of me, and our relationship, and to think about what is right. Maybe you will come up with the same answer as me. Maybe you will see, undoubtedly that what I am trying to do, is actually not crazy, or hurtful, or mean.
I am thinking only of you, because that is what love is.
I know that you are my perfection, and am assuming that I am yours.
But we both have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of learning, and maturing, and both have to learn to not think of ourselves. I can really, truly see clearly what I am doing to you, and even though I know you�ll deny it heatedly, I know that it is true.
I am not doing good things for you. I am selfish, and I know it. I am mean, and I know it. Worst of all, I am totally and completely in love with you, which hinders my ability to do such things.
I just know, that if we have just a little bit of time, both of us, for ourselves and for the other, we can mature. We can go oppositely, and learn separately, and even though I know it will hurt more than anything, I do believe that it will get better, because no amount of time can make you less perfect.
I love you, please, just try to understand.
Hello, 10-12-08 22:08
Hello my name is kylesor. I'm new to elowel.